Here's a tweaked version. One thing to think about is that this is a teaser for the series, so it will vary between .99 cents and free.
In a world shattered by war, pollution, and disease, a lone scavenger discovers a priceless relic from the Old Times.
The
problem is, it's stuck in the middle of the worst wasteland he knows--a contaminated city inhabited
by insane chem addicts and vengeful villagers. Only his wits, his gun,
and an unlikely ally can get him out alive.
Set in the Toxic World introduced in the novel Radio Hope, this 10,000-word story explores more of the dangers and personalities that make up a post-apocalyptic world that's all too possible.
A subtle but important distinction. Good one.
ReplyDeleteI like the change you made from the first version. It is very enticing and paints a clear picture of the story premise.
ReplyDeleteBut that last sentence with a capitalized name, a title, a word count and a vague description that would fit any post-apocalyptic setting detract from the powerful paragraphs above. Maybe think about changing that?
I don't know. I'm okay keeping that the way it is. Maybe "Toxic World" is the uniting title for this series? And reminding readers of the other extant story in the series to date isn't such a bad thing. And to let antsy readers apparently eager to read something short know right from the start that they don't have to worry about that is also a good call.
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